adhd

A stream of consciousness poem about what its like to have adhd

I feel a hollow chaos inside my head.
My brain, my brain my brain
sometimes I think I can feel it
the restlessness of etherealness all around my crown just there and I cant do anything to it and its making me not do anything its just there all the time all the time all the time and I cant do anything
I cant form sentences on a paper anymore
I dont know how I can be so aware but so so helpless at the same time
I feel like I cant ever be anything because of it because its always stopping me from what I know I can do I know I can do better but its always there I cant do anything because its stopping me from doing everything all the time
Nothing numbs this but sleep. I feel normal I can focus I can do things in my literal dreams I can do things better than I could in the real world but they are all in my head they are all what I could be if it wasnt there why is it there
In all my life until this moment that I am writing this I have never contemplated why I have this why I have this why I have this I feel a moment of calm
But its always a moment isnt it
I never get more than a moment from this

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